Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Lock Me Up and Throw Away the Key

Life on The Avenue is never dull! Never!

I've been feeling crappy lately, tired, worn out, raggy. I'm horribly PMS-ey, so Monday night immediately after CSI Miami I went to bed.

Whynot opted to stay up and oh hell if I know, I WAS ASLEEP. About midnight he comes up to bed and asks me what that noise is. I WAS ASLEEP, but now I'm up, what noise? You don't hear that? At first I thought it was the pigs chewing their cages, but it was louder and coming from ABOVE.

He screams, "Something is in the attic!" Now if you knew him, you'd think he was joking and just tell him STFU and go to bed. But then I heard it again. It was running in the attic and it was big.

We both ran outside to investigate. We couldn't see anything so we came back inside where I laid awake for a good part of the night, worrying about what might fall through the ceiling on me.

Whynot was running late AGAIN and didn't have time to inspect outside or in the attic. I didn't hear anything all day and I wasn't about to open the attic to check it out myself. So when he got home he decided that he needed to trim the tree outside our bedroom in case whatever it was was using the tree to get on our roof.

My husband is a total If You Give a Mouse a Cookie sort of guy, so after he trimmed the tree, he thought it would be a good idea to check the gutters before winter. Upon checking the gutters, he inspected the soffit and that's when he found it. Oh I wish I had pictures! At this point we're assuming it was a raccoon because it was a BIG hole.

All I could think was "oh F**K" The attic is going to be trashed and I have stuff stored up there. I called our insurance guy, because I had no idea who to call or what to do. He suggested that I call a pest removal service. Which I did. They could come Saturday, for $100 plus. The $100 was for a consultation to discuss removal. ON SATURDAY! In the meantime, Rocky was going to have free roam of my attic? You would think for $100 they would have been here before I hung the phone up! Like Dewey Screwem and Howe.

I ran this by Whynot and he said to call the village. The village said to call animal control. The animal control guy, who sounded straight out of Deliverance, said I could come in, pick up a trap for $50 and he'd show me how to set it up. Oh yeah I'm sure he would! I sent Whynot. I called Augie Dawg to call Durwood and have him stop here after work to help out.

That Durwood, besides making cute babies, he can be very helpful. Remember he helped me organize the garage a few weeks back. Well today he bravely entered the attic, where only by some act of God, nothing was destroyed. No heaps of insulation all over, no shredded Rubbermaid containers, nadda. I must have sacred the sucker when I banged on the walls. Durwood then scaled the roof and repaired the damaged soffit. It's good as new.

The trap is set and I am in some serious need of sleep. Never a dull moment here. I may be scarce tomorrow. I have a gajillion tree branches to tie up for the garabge man and a load of underpants to wash.

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bv said...

The fun NEVER ends! Your story telling skills are the highlight of every day!

Unknown said...

Ahhh...I feel your pain. One night my sister and I were staying up late drinking wine and watching the movie "A Man Named Horse" Sis fell asleep, and I woke her when I screamed during the scalping. Sis falls asleep once again, I began screaming again, she grumbles for me to turn the movie off. I have the blanket over my head as a bat is circling the living room. She wakes, we run out of the house at 2am, knock on a neighbor's door...they come over equipped with tennis rackets and removed my flying pests!

Glad your univited guest is history!

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

travel girl said...

My life is so boring compared to yours.

Deb said...

Holy moly! Can't wait to hear the end of this story. Our neighbors had skunks that had taken up residence under their deck. They sprayed the foundation of their house, and their whole house stunk! Anyhow, the animal control people set a trap, and you'll never believe what they put in the trap...marshmallows! Apparently, skunks love them. Long story short, they caught the lil' buggers, but it was a hassle for sure!

Kaci said...

Awhhh pickles!! RODENTS RODENTS RODENTS!! :)

Julie said...

Ugh, I hate attic dwellers!!! At my old condo, there was a squirrel who somehow committed suicide and was hanging from the rafters, and I refused to remove the body. I just let it hang there. As far as I know it's still up there.

Debz said...

I sit in my living room almost everynight and hear noises. My hubby is a big sissy and will not kill a spider let alone look for what is making the noise. I just pray that whatever it is takes me quickly and doesn't make too much of a mess.

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