Thursday, February 26, 2009

Irish Viagra


I'm crazy busy today spinning wheels and taking two steps backwards, so I'm going to share this ditty that my brother sent me.

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask
his advice in reviving her husband's libido. "What about
trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said.. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra.' It's
when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor,
who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up,
with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With
one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped
me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on
the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you doctor, an absolute
nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your
husband provided wasn't good?"

"Dear sweet jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure
as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks
again!"

And to be fair, one from my SIL

Giving up Wine


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

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17 comments:

Michelle said...

Wow. I'm not sure which one of my favorite. Those are pretty special... and neither had a punchline I was expecting!

Stesha said...

Both were too funny, I thing my favorite was the last one. The next time my hubby tells me to cut back I'll be sure to share this link with him.

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

sandy said...

Hehehe! Thanks for the laughs:0)

Jenni Jiggety said...

::::snorts:::: Love them both! Thanks for the giggles!

Kathy B! said...

I liked them both, but my favorite is the second. I might just have to refer him to your blog so he can fully appreciate the impact of too much self-deprivation :)

Grand Pooba said...

Haha! That was so funny! I've gotta send that one to my husband :)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

That was hilarious!!!

Kylie w Warszawie said...

Yeah! The giving up wine was just for me, right?

Julie said...

Ahahahahahahahahaha...loves it!

Leah said...

those are great!!

Soxy Deb said...

Oh jesus! SIL's had me rolling! That was priceless!

OHmommy said...

Oh man... that is too funny. I forwarded this onto my family. So so so funny!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

HILARIOUS!!! Loved 'em both! Thanks for the laughs! ;)

3 Bay B Chicks said...

In honor of both these jokes and national follow me month, we are finally giving in. You crack me up, Megryansmom.

-Francesca

Hanish said...
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spkash said...
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ed said...
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