Saturday, March 7, 2009

Headlines from 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

$75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

P.S. Don't forget my giveaway HERE.
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Kathy B! said...

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut."

I'd like to order one of these, stat! Friday night turned frosty when DH suggested I stop and take a breath during one of (my) normal chatapaloozas. I know there were at least three instances where my mouth was closed and I paused.

Alpacamountain said...

It's kinda scary but I think your probably right on more than one of those...freakin hilarious, but scary!

Anonymous said...

How about "push 5 to speak English'.

The Blue Ridge Gal

Anonymous said...

But...but...I thought is was already against their civil rights to even THINK about arresting a criminal?? Oh the horror! And yet America will continue to punish them until the year 2029? THE HORROR!!

Are will it be the United States of Ameriachi?

Anonymous said...

I meant "or"'s the drugs...

Stacy Uncorked said...

Bwahahahahahahaha! *snort!*giggle*

I think I'm done laughing now...maybe... ;)

That was HILARIOUS! Loved it!! I had to read it out loud to hubby - he laughed too! Awesome creativity - love the way your mind thinks! ;)

Anonymous said...

Baby conceived naturally....hahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

As funny as the post is the fact that google ads took your title of 'headlines' and matched it up with two ads for curing HEADLICE!!! roflmao!! No I'm not clicking on THAT ad!

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J'Ollie Primitives said...

"Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped."

Seriously? Naturally? How the heck do you do that?

Unknown said...

LOL! This was cute!

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