Oh thank goodness, you're still here. I'm so sorry I'm late and I really appreciate that you waited. Did you order already? I'm starving, but I'm having something small so I can have dessert. I deserve dessert. Ok I will have the fettucini with chicken and sun-dried tomatoes and ice tea with no lemon. So tell me, how was your weekend? Wow, well that sounds like you had fun.
Let me tell you about what the cat dragged in...LITERALLY! We have a cat, sort of, his name is Ringer. Whynot often says "He's gonna be a dead ringer if he doesn't stay off my car!" Ringer found us, about ten years ago, a few months after my dad died. I think he may be Dziadzia reincarnated, but don't' tell my mom, she would think that was sacrilegious. Ringer used to live in the cul de sac, but then the little girl became allergic to cats, so he moved back to his original owner's house, also in the cul de sac. In the spring, way back then, he started hanging out on my patio. I would call the owner and say your cat is here again, they'd pick him up and he'd be back again the next day. This happened often and finally I stopped calling, figuring, if they wanted him, they could figure out where he was and come get him. They never did! So for 10 years, Ringer has slept in my garage and roamed around outside during the day. He is an awesome mouser!
Once something bit him and we had to go to the vet and get that fixed up. She recommended that I keep him inside for a few weeks. That would never happen, we had dogs at the time and Whynot was/is just not fond of cats. So I did the next best thing. I built him an elaborate kitty condo out of closet shelving. It's really quite lovely if I do say so myself. It has THREE levels. The litter box fits in there nicely and a box for a bed, that cat lives better than I do. This winter was extremely cold here in Jtown, so Augie Dawg offered to take Ringer to her house until spring. He lived in a smaller apartment than his usual digs, in her basement. Spring came and I brought him home. Well now it's August and a few weeks back, maybe in an attempt to thank me for my kindness, Ringer brought home a friend! ANOTHER FRIGGIN CAT! A kitten more specifically.
I did what any responsible adult, who DID NOT want another cat around would do. I placed an ad in the lost and found section of the paper and on Craigslist. No reply, not one single reply. Days turned into weeks, nothing. Now Tons of Fun is getting attached to this kitten and he names him HENRY, from Oswald fame. Henry is adorable and very playful, but I don't want another cat. Tons of Fun likes Henry, but even crazier......WHYNOT LIKES HENRY.
So I guess Henry is staying. There's one small problem........Henry is not yet neutered...which leads me to my dilemma. I can and will have him neutered through Friends of Animals for $51, not too bad. There's a lot of better ways I'd like to spend $51, but I'll do it. Here's the killer!!! He has to be completely vaccinated, not just the cheapo rabies shot. Oh no, we're talking the royal treatment. Vaccines for illness I cannot pronounce. Once all is said and done, Henry will set me back WELL OVER $200!!!!!!!!!!
And this is why I strongly suspect no one answered my ad! So thank you (insert strong descriptive word here) people who decided having a pet was not your thing and it would be easier just to dump him somewhere. Fear not, Henry will be loved and Ringer has a buddy and my humble home on The Avenue will continue to be mouse free. But deep down inside, I hope Karma gets their sorry ass!
Now would you mind picking up the check, I'm gonna be broke for awhile!
Great seeing you again by the way.......mwahhhh