Thursday, June 17, 2010

Gardening 101 - A Tutorial

Today we will tackle the dreaded task of weeding your garden and/or yard.

  1. Don a sturdy pair of gardening gloves.
  2. Trip over some junk in the garage while attempting to wrestle the weed whacker off a hook on the wall.
  3. Find the tangled up power cord.
  4. Plug the above in to a power source, only to find the weed whacker won't whack weeds. WTF, it spins, it hums, but it's not whacking.
  5. Live on the edge and turn the wee whacker over without unplugging to investigate.
  6. Think to yourself 'who are you fooling, you have no idea what the problem is.' Mumble under your breath that you wish hubs would just do this stuff so you wouldn't have to.
  7. Consider sitting down and crying and realize that would be immature.
  8. Consider throwing the whole mess on the garage floor on your husband's side, but that too would be immature.
  9. Unplug the above and wrap the cord back up neatly and hang weed whacker back on hook. Make a mental note to run to Menard's to buy a decent weed whacker or hire a studly lawn boy.
  10. Walk over to 1st flower bed and survey the situation. Decide that pulling of some weeds by hand is in order.
  11. Tug at first unsightly growth protruding from the ground. Tug harder.
  12. Keep tugging.
  13. Plant foot firmly on the ground and get a better grip. Toggle the growth back and forth to loosen.
  14. Unsuccessfully move on to the next growth. Pull. It comes up easily. Realize you just pulled up a daylily.
  15. Repeat for ten minutes until a little person informs you he has to pee, needs a drink, is too hot or all of the above.
Moral of this story, if it comes out with ease, you didn't want to pull it out. If however, you pull at it 'til you're red in the face and sweaty and it still doesn't budge, it's a weed. Just live with it, because that sucker isn't coming out without a fight and some serious damage to your fresh manicure!

Disclaimer: The above may or may not be a work of fiction ;0
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Lola said...

Are you out of weed whacking line? Do you just need a refill?

I have to try to start up the gas weed whacker. I've been putting it off and my yard looks like crap. If it doesn't start, I'm going to buy a new one too. said...

We have many of those lovely plants in our yard, too. ARen't they beautiful? I pretend that I'm growing them on purpose. Makes me feel better. Especially when they flower, I'm like "Look! Flowers!"

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