Blog quarantined until further notice.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The blog is closed while I sing praises to the porcelain god. My poor buddy, TOF, is at home sick with his Dahdeee today. So Mema has a day off and I am headed back to bed with 2 phones, 2 remotes and a heating pad. Ahh this is the life!
Be sure to check out my giveaway for Florastor Kids probiotics.
Monday, April 27, 2009
1951 a preparation (as a dietary supplement) containing live bacteria (as lactobacilli) that is taken orally to restore beneficial bacteria to the body also a bacterium of such a preparation
Shown in over 50 years of extensive international use to be safe and effective
In every child there are billions of microorganisms to keep their gut working properly. Some medicines, certain diseases, travel and stress can cause an upset of the balance of microorganisms in the body. Florastor® Kids promotes and maintains intestinal health and is safe to take with other medicines.
Florastor® Kids is formulated to be child-friendly:
- Great tasting fruit flavor
- Dissolves completely in juice or water
- Can be mixed in soft foods such as applesauce and yogurt
- Suitable for kids ages 2 months to adults.
- Look for Florastor® Kids at your local pharmacy.
Earn ONE entry by leaving me a comment telling me how wonderful and fabulous I am. Yeah seriously, lay it on thick, my ego could use some boosting. LIE IF YOU HAVE TO! You must do this FIRST, before earning additional entries. Be sure to leave a valid email address if you're a no reply blogger. You can't win if I can't find you.
Earn ONE extra entry by following my blog and leaving a comment, if you already follow, thank you, but please leave me a comment reminding me of this.
Earn ONE extra entry by Tweeting about this contest and leave me a comment with the link so I can check it out.
Earn ONE extra entry by following me on Twitter, again remind me if you already do.
Contest ends on May 4th.
*As always consult your health care professional before using. There are no milk proteins found in Florastor, however, it does contain lactose monohydrate in a very small amount. Florastor is gluten free.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Def: Crappy ideas that are too short
to make a real blog post,
but when combined,
join forces to make one unified,
albeit half assed, post.
I found this over at Mommy Madness and I just had to join in, because, well when you hang with a 3 year old and his Pa, farts are friggin hilarious!!!
We don't fluff it up here on The Avenue and call them "foofees" or "toots" we just get right to the point and call em FARTS. So I'm just gonna let em rip.
TOF at his tender young age already finds farting especially amusing. He farts, announces very loudly, "I fouwted" and proceeds to high five everyone nearby. Just this morning, (hanging my head in shame) as I was changing his diaper, he says to me, "Mema, you want to pull my finger?"
I'm equally proud to say that TOF can belch on command or whenever the mood strikes him. But wait the Pièce de résistance is when he trots around the house slapping his butt and chanting doopie crack. We practice only the most refined manners here on The Avenue. I predict the boy will be the very first preschooler to serve detention and/or be suspended.
So enough about the actual farts and on to the blog farts.
I think Spring is finally here, one can never be sure in J-Town, it could be 70 one day and then snow the next. But my daffodils are in full bloom so I'm leaning towards the positive and the dandelions are rearing their ugly heads too. Which can only mean that there will be yard work a plenty this weekend. Stock tip for everyone......Menards, Home Depot and Lowes. These stocks will most definitely surge on Monday after my contribution.
Before I forget, because that happens A LOT, a special shout out to Kathy B!'s mom. Mom stalks, er reads my blog regularly and is too shy to leave a comment. Hi Mrs K! Thanks for reading! And to answer your question....of course I'm Meg Ryan's mom, why would I make that up. Glitter Gurl = Meg(an) and Prodigal Son/Big Mouse = Ryan. So there you have the origin of MEGRYANSMOM.
And speaking of GlitterGurl, yesterday she says to me, "Kala went to Dr T's office and they told her that Dr H and Dr E were leaving the practice, did Augie Dawgs say anything about that?"
Now to clarify, Dr T is our cooter doctor, although I exclusively see Kate and she's staying. Kate however doesn't deliver babies and Dr T is a bit frail, so this poses a bit of a problem for Augie Dawgs, being as she's knocked up.
So now Augie Dawgs is in a bit of a frenzy as she needs to find a new hoo ha doctor that actually delivers babies and has a name she can easily pronounce. Because when the time comes, I'm not singing Kumbaya over some bath tub while we hold hands waiting for the baby to crown. Hell no.....we are both getting an epidural just like last time!
It's starting to smell in here so I'm signing off for now, Have a Farty Friday everyone!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS..............................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL TH E REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
In doing my part for Earth day, I present a RECYCLED post:
This one was cute......An Ode to the Now Defunct Traveling Plate.
Last night after Platey went potty,
and took a shower,
it spent a little time surfing the internet and became quite disappointed and saddened by the response to the raffle being held in it's honor.
I tucked Platey in with the rest of the fine china we use here on The Avenue and told it that all would work out just fine.
This morning I woke up to THIS!
Poor Platey, trying to drown it's sorrows. Things are looking up though, there have been several more entries and Platey is happier. Should be, it finished off my nice cheap bottle of Riesling!
Request Platey at your own risk, it may have a slight drinking problem.
Oh Platey, where for art thou oh Platey??
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I might have been a better mother had you just been happy enough to stay 5 forever. I was good until 5, maybe a little longer. When you used to delight in "dancing in the kitchen with mom." When I had all the right answers. When just a kiss made your boo boo better. When biscuits and gravy for a good report card was the best reward ever. It was after that when you started forming your own opinions and wanting to be more independent that I started having trouble being a good mommy.
You're completely wrong when you scream at me "it's your way or the highway" That's not the reason I want you to see it my way at all. I want you to see it my way, because in the end my way will be less painful. I've walked that same path and I saw how it turned out. You're both sort of my do-over. If I had only chosen Path B, perhaps it would have spared the 3 of us a lot of grief.
But just as I wouldn't listen to those older and wiser than me, you have to find your own way in life.
P.S. Glittergurl, if you still insist on going, please take a blanket and wear your hat, it's cold out. and if by chance you see your brother, tell him I love him.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Yesterday we had a blip on penis enlargement, today......who wants to see a picture of my pussy?
Here it is, all hairy and sprawled out for you.
People come on, get your minds and the rest of you outta the gutter, this is a family blog. Well sort of, with a few f-bombs dropped for good measure. Did ya really think? Oh hell no. Kate and Whynot are the only 2 people privy to see that! No no no, you're in the wrong place if that's what you're looking for. Try looking behind the green door to your left.
The picture is of my pussy(cat) Ringer. Doesn't he look all comfy, sound asleep in the sunshine on my patio. This was taken in April of 2008. Do you have a picture to share from April last year? Click the logo below and sign up with Mr Linky.
Friday, April 17, 2009
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Awesome I could use this, because quite honestly, my penis needs to be bigger as it is non existent.
Hopping in the shower now, I'll try to be back with some Friday Bargains for ya later. Providing TOF cooperates. 70's today in J-town. Bout damn time! Did you see the Hawks game last night? Woo hoo. Havlat shoots the winning goal just 12 seconds into overtime.
Any awesome weekend plans yet? I'll be solo most of the weekend, call me we could do something.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The wallet was last seen when he shoved it in his pocket to drive me to the Red Box to return Bolt. Don't ask, I didn't sit to watch it and TOF's attention span wasn't long either. So I couldn't tell you if it was a hit or not. Back to the wallet, I know he had it in the car because Whynot will never, ever drive without his license. E.V.E.R. He often likes to pull the "you drive I don't have my license" card on me while we're in the garage. So the wallet in question, which isn't even a real wallet, just a bunch of credit cards, some pictures and his license all wrapped up in a rubber band, was lost sometime AFTER the Red Box drop off. He didn't get out of the car at Walmart, so it had to be somewhere in the house or GASP, it fell out into the street when we got home. In which case some thug already picked it up and is having a great time shopping for electronics and all the things I wish I had, if I had the luxury of shopping with Whynot's high limit credit cards.
I searched this house from floor to ceiling twice! I even sort of dug through the garbage while holding back that gaggy feeling. I have tactile issues, that was enough to put me over the edge. I WAS STRESSED! It didn't help that Whynot called 47 times and even stopped home once before heading out on his route. When I'm stressed I eat. Which explains the large pants, which stresses me out even more!
As someone who loves to eat, I'm always looking out for great recipes. Do you like to cook and bake? Well if you do, The 44th Pillsbury Bake-Off Contest is looking for you. You can enter your best recipe in the contest for a chance at the $1 million prize.
One hundred finalists will win a trip to the finals, April 11 - 13, 2010, at the Waldorf-Astoria Orlando and Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek hotel in Florida.
Pillsbury is looking for original recipes that taste and look delicious, are easy to prepare and that families across America will love to eat. There are four recipe categories - Breakfast & Brunches, Entertaining Appetizers, Dinner Made Easy and Sweet Treats.
Entries are being accepted online now through April 20th, so hurry over. You can find out more details about the contest here. Be sure to get your recipe in, and good luck.
Oh the wallet? Oh yeah, we found it, strategically placed behind the printer. So now the questions are "Is Whynot senile?", "Is Whynot trying to drive ME insane?", or "Is this a bigger conspiracy, involving a 3 yr old, who's trying to make us both look nuts?"
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Today is April 15th, TAX DAY! You have approximately 16 hours to get your return done. Seriously do people really wait until the last day to file? What, you don't have enough stress in your life already that you wait until TODAY to file a tax return? What is the matter with people? Don't answer that, it's a loaded question. It would take DAYS, MONTHS, YEARS even, to analyze what is wrong with some people.
Yeah so good luck with that last minute return, me I'm going garage sale-ing. I'll be back to tell you if I find anything decent.
Just out of curiosity, have you filed yours? Did you pay or get a refund? And yes efficient as I am (haa that was meant to be funny), ours have been done since February.
Confidential to Tiffany.....tomorrow you can breathe dear.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
A service in celebration of Maddie's life will be held today at 4:30 p.m. (CST) Her parents Heather and Mike have asked that everyone wear purple today in honor of Maddie. Won't you also please consider making a donation in her name to The March of Dimes, so that someday all babies may be born healthy.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Today, the Monday after Easter marks Smingus Dyngus. It's a HUGE water fight. If you get drenched, you'll be blessed and it also means you're very popular. I took a shower to insure good fortune and maintain widespread blog approval AND the rain is pouring AGAIN above J-town. I. AM. BLESSED. Go ahead click the link to read more about it. We Pollocks sure know how to partay!
When we left off Friday with a post about MY CLOSET (thank you everyone who didn't cancel their subscription) I mentioned the giveaway from back here. So let's see who will play THE GRAND PRIZE GAME...with a little help from our magic arrows and "Big Top Band"....our lucky winner is:
Our at home winner is:
Congratulations, I will email both of you later this morning so I can send you some crap, er I mean wonderful prizes from OUR GRAND PRIZE GAME CLOSET!
Some of you may know that Whynot and I headed out on another adventure this past weekend. ROAD TRIP! Destination, Keeneland in Lexington KY. Whynot is kinda the male version of Thelma to my Louise, except we would sooner shoot each other rather than drive off a cliff together.
We left J-town Friday evening and our first stop was Lafayette IN, home to the Purdue Boilermakers. Filled up with gas, grabbed some Mickey D's and we were headed south on I-65 to meet up with New Albany's most famous blogger Dana of Life is Good.
Dana and her hubby Joe had no idea what they were in for when she agreed to meet for breakfast on Saturday morning, poor dear. I was her first ever blogger meet and greet, and hell I'm not even MY OWN first choice on the list of people I want to meet. Dana and Joe were on time, Whynot and I, well we were a smidgen late. Sorry Dana, you see, I said WHYNOT likes to get places early, me...well I run on what he calls KAMINSKI TIME. I can never be on time, ever, I try, but something always prevents my timeliness. Perhaps I just like to make a grand entrance ;)
We enjoyed a lovely buffet breakfast at the local casino and the boys even found a common ground for conversation, the CUBS. That much I heard and after that it was just blah blah blah, something about the Bears acquiring Orlando Pace and then more blah blah blah from the men folk as Dana and I chatted like old friends. I could have sat there all day eating and laughing but Whynot had an agenda and a schedule to keep, so all too soon our visit was over. I do have photographic proof of the event to share with all of you.
It was really a pleasure to meet the both of you, maybe we can do it again sometime. Whynot can always be persuaded to head down towards horse country.
Which leads to our next stop, Keeneland, for the Blue Grass Stakes. Where I left my trusty camera in the safety of my locked car. GRRRRRR. The weather was perfect, warm and sunny with a slight breeze to cool us when needed. We arrived in plenty of time to find a bench between the alternate finish line and the finish line, right in front of the tote board and monitor and we were good to go. With the AM Racing Form in hand I was ready to pick me some winners, unfortunately I didn't cash a single winning ticket all day!!! My handicapping skills obviously need some fine tuning. I can tell you this much, General Quarters will be one to watch if he runs in the Derby.
No visit to Lexington is complete without having some bread pudding with REAL bourbon sauce at the track and then a visit to Tony Roma's for ribs after the races. We had both and were not disappointed, although I remember the bourbon sauce in the past had a lot more kick to it.
Sunday afternoon found us heading back to J-town with a quick stop at Applebee's for our very non-traditional Easter dinner.
Home Sweet Home on The Avenue with all of it's tedious responsibilities. My laundry room awaits and so until my next post, buh bye!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Three Bay B Chicks have done it again! First Wenda, now Chick Chat. Go check it out and be sure to visit all 5 blogs participating today. There's even a Twitter party at nap time, that I'm going to try my best to attend. You'll never get me to Vlog, I'm scary IRL. Make a note of that Dana.
Finally, another home remodeling project that Whynot and I survived practically unscathed. The fake walk in closet in our bedroom. It's small and awkward and has a window. The back wall measures 52 1/2 inches, I know because I measured TWICE like any good wannabe carpenter, and it's about 9 feet long. I didn't measure that, just eyeballed it. I'm non union. The builder was on crack or something because the walk-in-sideways closet has a window, but the bathroom doesn't.
Surprisingly this monumental project only took the better part of a Sunday. Including time spent driving to Menard's for supplies and the McDonald's drive thru for 2 double Filet of Fish and large fries.
We emptied, sorted and THREW AWAY! How liberating. We PAINTED! This was huge, our last painting party still pisses me off. Whynot I love you, but your painting skills suck. MWAH. At some point Glitter Gurl called to ask what we were doing. Whynot answered and told her we were painting. Her response....."Oh Gawd! Let HER do the ceiling or you'll never hear the end of it" That's my girl!
Crap the extra credit assignment....I promised a giveaway. Oops. Look for a winner on Monday. Gotta run, both phones are ringing and TOF is HAWNGRY again! Question: How much can a 3 yr old eat before he explodes?
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